From: a pulp faction

Don't forget the Rock N' Romp

Ok, so if you don't have little ones or you were able to book a sitter for Friday night, chances are you are not going to be in the mood for live music and daylight by mid aftrnoon on Saturday, but I wanted to post this anyway. Just in case you are. Memphis Rock 'N' Romp

posted by pulpfaction

From: The Flypaper Theory

How Many Ways To Lose an Election?

How Many Ways to Lose an Election? Harold Ford, Jr., is counting them as I write this.

Make no mistake; I'm not busting out the champagne glasses if Harold loses, and I never would. Yes, I've been just as critical of his voting record and his representation of Memphians, and his pull so far to the right, he is the African-American version of Trent Lott.

Yet, I'd steeled myself to actually start thinking of him as "Senator Ford". And it could still happen.

But when you are in an election that had become yours to win, despite all the truth-telling we do here at TFT, why do you then treat us to a YouTube clip that all but shows you shooting your campaign in the foot and picking off its' toes one-by-one?

Most blogs are pretty quiet on Ford's meltdown with Bob Corker at the Wilson Air Terminal last week. Some are saying he's still going to win, and at this point, anything's possible, given that it is Tennessee we're talking about. However, I wouldn't want Kos' record on political campaigns, either (Kos is like, um, 2 for 20 and counting...)in calling this election for Harold, just yet.

So, How many Ways can Harold lose this Election? Let us count them:

(1) Being caught at the Playboy Mansion, then taping a campaign ad showing you in church as a God-Fearing Christian. While I like to go to a good party like anyone else (and don't think a Christian can't get their "party" on; if they tell you that, they're a lyin' Christian), if I'm seen at the Playboy Mansion, as the Christian Progressive Liberal, I don't think my excuse of "witnessing to the lost" is going to play well.

(2) Having your former lover posting pictures of your vacation with her on the Internet. Ah, those "Family Values" again. I'm no prude, but if you're promoting yourself to those in East Tennessee as a "Family Values" man, going off on weekends with a woman you're not married to, doesn't cut it. If there's some "Family Values" that allow for fornication, could you forward them to me, please? While I know plenty of ministers who do the same thing, I call them out on that, too. And while what you do in your personal life shouldn't matter a damn to anyone except you and another consenting adult, it does if you're promoting yourself as a "Family Values" man. Look what it did for Mark Foley and Don Sherwood...

(3) Trying to distance yourself from your family while getting tied up with them 50 ways from Sunday. Either endorse your brother and really kill your chances at that Senate seat, or do the right thing and shore up your base by endorsing who rightfully won the Democratic nomination for the 9th District Congressional Seat.

(4) Gatecrashing your opponent's press conference and then going on television lying about how Bob Corker won't engage you in debates. I saw them on C-Span...and if you weren't making this Senate race about your family, showing up with the same thug-like tactics as the rest of your family doesn't do jack to show Tennessee and the Nation how you're not like the rest of your family. Jeez, Harold, gatecrashing Corker's press Conference? My God, what the Hell were you thinking when you did that?!!!

I'm going on the record again - I wanted you to win or lose this election based on the merits, your voting record and the issues. But you have made this election about your family and their peccadilloes, as well as your own.

And to think, I'd actually gotten used to the idea of calling you "Senator Ford" even if your response would be to cuss me out to my face. I can still get used to the idea, but your idiocy is taking that to a whole 'nother level that I can't begin to fathom...

posted by The Christian Progressive Liberal

From: Life In & Around Memphis

Changes in Lattitudes...

Well actually, it's more of a change in longitude. But I digress...

There are distinct differences between Germantown and Memphis that I'm beginning to notice. I think I'm going to try and supply pics of these differences over time, but for now, just take my word.

One example I'll give you now: a huge difference between Memphis and Germantown is what kind of cars come with "rims." I know what you're thinking: "Philip, cars don't come with rims. Rims are put on by the owners after they buy the car. They are aftermarket accessories." You are right. But when you see a car driving down the street with rims, as far as you know, the car came with those rims. But for the sake of this post we'll just discuss the various "cars with rims" around the area.

The quality of cars with rims vary from area of town to another. When I lived in Midtown and East Memphis, I saw tons of cars with rims (especially at Buffalo Wild Wings), but they were all crappy cars with expensive looking rims (like a '95 Chrysler towncar with rusted paint and a two color hood or an old '97 Chevy Blazer). It had spinners and tinted windows but was one rain storm away from losing the muffler. Now that I live in Germantown (temporarily), I notice that cars with rims are actually nice cars (like a Mercedes Benz SL500 with tinted windows and spinners or a Lincoln towncar with tinted windows).

One thing I have noticed is that regardless of what area of town, if you're going to put rims and/or spinners on a ride (is there a difference?), they have to be nice no matter how much of a piece o' shite your car is. So the lesson is that...

RIMS ARE NOT A STATUS SYMBOL PEOPLE! YOUR STATUS IS BASED ON WHAT STYLE AND QUALITY OF VEHICLE YOU ADD THE RIMS!!!

Over the next week or so, I'll try and get pics of the various types of cars with rims around town. That is, if I remember to bring my damn camera with me.

Have a good one and don't get none on ya

posted by Philip

From: Fertile Ground

Me Talk Scary Someday

On Monday, Mary, one of my derby teammates sent me an email informing me that she wouldn't be at practice because she had just been given two free tickets to see David Sedaris at the Cannon Center. I immediately responded, "Who gets the second ticket?"

She said she had already asked her boyfriend to go, but she could try and get another ticket.

"Get two," I typed.

A few minutes later she called to say that she had indeed gotten two more tickets. I immediately emailed our coach and told her I wouldn't be at practice either and got on the horn to see if I could possibly get Warren home from Missouri.

My coach told Mary and I that we could only have an excused absence from practice if we returned from the show with a piece of David Sedaris, even if it was just a toenail. Warren said there was no way he could make it back to be my date.

Mary and I made a verbal pinky swear to retrieve a toenail and I set about getting a backup date. I emailed my comrades in arms, RJA, Kristy, and Andria to see who wanted to escort me. RJA was the first to reply, then Kristy, then Andria.

I've never felt so popular.

In the end, neither RJA or Kristy could justify feeding their four kids benadryl for dinner and abandoning them with the other parent on a school night, so Andria got to be my date.

As we entered the Cannon Center and got lost in a sea of whitebread intellectual types like ourselves, I turned to Mary and said, "Give me my ticket in case we get separated."

"No," she said with a laugh.

"Okay..." I said, "Then I guess you better come pee with me."

Once we had all freshened up and set off to find our seats, it soon became clear why Mary was being so tight lipped about the tickets.

WE HAD FRONT ROW CENTER SEATS!

That's right folks. David Sedaris and his podium were about 20 feet from me.

The show was completely brilliant as expected. I both felt totally dwarfed by his writing and lifted by his success. I mean here was a dude just reading his essays to a room full of people who forked over $35-$100 per seat. Pretty damn amazing.

When the show was over and Sedaris left the stage, I turned to Mary and said, "Look he left his water glass on stage! Let's get it for the coach."

She looked on in horror as I quickly mounted the stage, grabbed his glass and water bottle, and then nailed my landing back on the orchestra floor.

"Oh my god!" my companions yelled between their hysterical laughter.

In the foyer I scoped out the book signing line to see if I could stand to wait in it for a chance to actually speak to Mr. Sedaris. It was about a hundrd miles long and my babysitter was going to turn into a pumpkin soon. "Oh well," I said.

Mary ran off to the facilities as Andria, Michael, and I chatted. As she made her way back, I noticed Justin Willingham (a local NPR announcer) escorting a very small man through the lobby. Without thinking twice, I walked over to join them.

"Hi Mr. Sedaris," I said. "I just jumped on stage and grabbed your drinking glass because my roller derby coach said the only way I could miss practice was if I brought her something with your bodily fluids on it. Or a toenail."

He looked at me stunned and said, "Oh you don't want my toenail."

"Can you sign the glass?" I asked hopefully.

"I can at the table," he said nervously.

I followed him and Justin Willingham past the hundreds of people lined up and watched as he delicately signed the glass and silently prayed for his life.

"Thank you very much," I said in my most un-psychotic voice.

I swear, sometimes I even amaze myself. Here's to you, Randi!

posted by Stacey Greenberg

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From: Bar-B-Log

The CA Sucks Up

I want to rant about Leslie Kelley's review of Corky's in yesterday's Playbook. I actually wrote a very long rant about it, but instead of posting those thousand-plus words, I reduced my vitriol to a few rhetorical questions. Why was this review written? Why was it written so poorly? Why was it then published? Does any reader of The Commercial Appeal want or need a review of Corky's?
Is anyone going there to get a hamburger? How in the good Lord's name could she give them three stars?

On the bright side, I found the reader comments heartening – especially the following: "You're not from here, are you, darlin'?"

Basted by The Saucier

From: Downtown Books

I want to be a REAL bookstore when I grow up

I sell books for a living. I like selling books, and I am damn good at it. I sell books better than 70 hours most weeks, and have spent years learning my trade. I do not tell you any of this to impress you, but rather to make the point that this is what I DO. This is not a hobby, or what I am doing until my Amway business takes off and I become a super duper diamond and own an island. So, you will understand if I took offense when I read this over at Paul Ryburns blog.

Let me preface this by saying that I don't think Paul is a bad person; I just think he is wrong.

He maintains (insists, really) that while it is great that we are here, what Downtown needs is a real bookstore. You know, one with ferns and carpet and that stays open till ten, so he does not have to go hang out at bars. Now, one might question why one must go hang out at bars, if what you really want to do is go to a bookstore, as there is a Bookstar 15 minutes up the road that stays open till 10 (and they do not even have a cover charge), but that is a whole 'nother post; heck, that would be a whole 'nother blog.

He gives 3 reasons [sic] why Downtown needs a Chain Bookstore. To quote Samuel Johnson (who, among other things, was a bookseller and a son of a bookseller) "I refute you, thus!"

1) We need a bookstore that stays open until at least 10 at night.
"...I would love to have a bookstore where I can go and read and hang out after work."

That is not what you do in a bookstore. That is what you do in a library, or the park, or hell, I guess the alleyway behind your house. You buy books in a bookstore. If you do this, the proprietor will no doubt want to chat with you, discuss things you like to read, or make other recommendations. Some people call this a good time. Buying books means you give them money, with which they pay the rent, lights, taxes, employees, buy books, and, if fortune shines on them (or the phone bill is late in arriving that month), they buy food for their children and try to pay their mortgage. Your "hanging out" does not pay for any of that.

Incidentally, again note that I studied this just a little bit before risking time, money, and my families security in downtown. If there were enough folks who would come in at 10pm, I would be here with bells on. The market (defined as people who will pay money for books) just ain't there. As it is, anything after 3pm is a gift.


2) There's a certain legitimacy that comes with a big chain's name value.

If you go to bed with a whore, you wake up with a whore. IF B&N or Borders came down here, less than half of the money you put in their register will stay in the local economy. Over 80% of our revenue stays local. They will come in, slash prices, force the books down your throat that the publisher pays them advertising dollars to, and when things look bleak, they will leave. You will get folks who work there who are just a shade too smart to work at McDonald's. Oh, they are legitimate. They are as legitimate as all hell.

3. Larger selection

This is largely a myth. Folks say they want a larger selection, but they do not. They want the appearance of a larger selection. We have well over 10,000 titles on the shelves, and add more everyday. Titles, not books. They may have 50,000 books, but only 6,000 titles. After all, there are 50 copies of the Da Vinci code in that pile, and 15 copies of the latest Nora Roberts books in a display over there. The industry knows this, by the way. The chains know that a HUGE percentage of their sales will come from less than 500 titles in any given year. They have a cute name for the rest of the stock: wallpaper.

If you want the latest Oprah book club book, go to B&N. However, we have a highly regarded selection of Religion, Philosophy, Science Fiction, American history and Cookbooks that I would go up against any chain on.

A few other things from his post that I take issue with:

And I'm not claiming that that experience is better than the one you would have at a mom-and-pop store, ...

I just LOVE being called a Mom and Pop. Love it. Why don't you just tell me how cute my little bookshop is, and ask me what I want to be when I grow up.

True, a small store could order any book a customer requests, but when I want a book, I want it now, not a week from now. If I were willing to wait a week, I'd just get on Amazon.com and order it myself.

Maybe that is the best choice for you. Then you can hang out in your own house, listen to your ipod and talk loud on your cellphone. Of course, when you do that, please do not piss and moan when the small bookshops go under and talk about how evil the chains are, and how "Downtown NEEDS a bookstore". It costs money to be here, folks.

Downtown Books closes at 5, according to their website. That means the only day I can hang out there is Saturday.

Not that we have seen you on any of the 6 Saturdays we have been open so far, but we have high hopes. Please leave the Yatzee board at home.

posted by Hugh Hollowell

From: Paul Ryburn's Journal

Why we need a big chain bookstore downtown

This morning I got an e-mail from Memphis Tobacco Bowl/Downtown Books. They were responding to my recent suggestion that the soon-to-be-vacant Tower Records space in Peabody Place Mall would be a good spot for a Borders or other large chain bookstore:

"You could walk over to 152 Madison, in the heart of Downtown, where there's a bookstore and a coffee shop."

I wasn't meaning to knock Downtown Books in any way when I made that suggestion. The Tobacco Bowl is a great place, and I've had many days off work that I've walked over to Tobacco Bowl and sat at Tracy's coffee bar and had a great time. The Tobacco Bowl is a real asset to downtown - I don't smoke but I know they carry a large assortment of quality cigars, sold by someone who is knowledgeable enough to direct you toward something you'll like. They have really gone far to make their customers feel at home, adding the coffee bar, free wireless Internet and comfortable seating. And now they have added Downtown Books, yet one more reason to go into 152 Madison (between Second and Third, if you're not familiar with the area). If you like cigars, or coffee, or books, or friendly people, I highly recommend you stop by.

However, I still contend that downtown needs a big chain bookstore. Here's why:

1) We need a bookstore that stays open until at least 10 at night. And 11 or midnight would be even better. I get home from work about 5 in the afternoon. Downtown Books closes at 5, according to their website. That means the only day I can hang out there is Saturday. I would love to have a bookstore where I can go and read and hang out after work. Heck, it'd be a nice alternative to going out to bars every night. But at this point in Downtown's development, it would be a huge financial risk for a small business to extend its hours until 10 or 11. The big chains can afford that risk.

2) There's a certain legitimacy that comes with a big chain's name value. People are more likely to say, "Oh, if I lived Downtown I'd be able to walk to Borders; maybe it's time to move down there." They're already familiar with the shopping experience at Borders, having been to the one out east. And I'm not claiming that that experience is better than the one you would have at a mom-and-pop store, but it's perception. People tend to gravitate toward what's familiar, and a lot more people are familiar with the big chains.

3) Larger selection. Big chain stores have more space, which means they can keep more in stock. True, a small store could order any book a customer requests, but when I want a book, I want it now, not a week from now. If I were willing to wait a week, I'd just get on Amazon.com and order it myself.

For these reasons, I believe a big chain bookstore would increase foot traffic on Downtown streets, which in turn would benefit other Downtown businesses. I even think Downtown Books/Tobacco Bowl would benefit in the long run; once down here, some people would discover that there's another place a few blocks away that doesn't charge for wireless Internet and has better coffee, more comfortable seating, fine cigars, and good conversation. So, I really think having a Borders or Bookstar or B&N Downtown would be a win for everybody.

Now we just gotta convince one of the big chains that it would be a win for them...

From: Paul Ryburn's Journal

"Tendentious": Why I can't stand Koeppel's restaurant reviews

Yesterday I was browsing the Commercial Appeal's website, and noticed that Fredric Koeppel had written about Stella in his weekly dining review. So I clicked the link to see what he had to say.

The first sentence started off: "At the risk of sounding tendentious..."

Okay. In high school I scored 1430 on the SAT. I went on to a liberal arts college where I had to spend a lot of my time reading books with big words. Since then I've spent a fair amount of time reading for personal pleasure. And yet I have no idea what "tendentious" means. I don't think I've even seen the word before. I wonder if even 1% of Koeppel's readers actually knew the meaning of that word.

tendentious also tendencious adj (1900): marked by a tendency in favor to a particular point of view: BIASED - tendentiously adv - tendentiousness n

Now, that definition may possibly be outdated, as I pulled it from the dictionary I got in 1987 while still in high school. But I think we'll be okay, because Koeppel is probably the first person to actually use that word in a sentence since 1987.

When I read the first line of his Stella review, this is the thought that came to my mind:

"Well, I don't know if he sounds tendentious, but he certainly sounds pretentious."

I didn't bother to read the rest of the review. Instead, I pulled up Stacey Greenberg's excellent Dining with Monkeys blog to read some restaurant reviews that are a lot more fun, accessible, and interesting.

Looking at the reader comments section of Koeppel's Stella review, it's clear that I'm not the only one who feels this way about his writing style. I remember reading last year that the Commercial Appeal is interested in doing more to appeal to the common Memphian. Sorry guys, but this is one area in which you ain't getting it done.